Managing Perfectionists

Accord­ing to Tom Green­spon, a fam­ily ther­a­pist and expert on per­fec­tion­ism, teach­ers and par­ents need to under­stand four key things about per­fec­tion­ism:

1. Per­fec­tion­ism is emo­tional. It can be a vicious cycle for the per­fec­tion­ist: mak­ing a mis­take causes fear, which makes the stu­dent want to be even more per­fect, lead­ing to anx­i­ety which causes more mistakes.
2. Per­fec­tion­ism is social. Per­fec­tion­ists may feel that they won’t be accepted unless they are perfect.
3. Per­fec­tion­ism doesn’t make peo­ple more suc­cess­ful. It is not the same things as striv­ing for excellence.
4. The envi­ron­ment influ­ences per­fec­tion­ism. Per­fec­tion­ist behav­ior may be learned from the behav­ior of oth­ers around them. A chaotic envi­ron­ment also con­tributes to feel­ings of need­ing to be perfect.

Here are a few thoughts, then, on how teach­ers can deal with per­fec­tion­ists in their classrooms:

• Cre­ate an envi­ron­ment of accep­tance. Avoid “zero-​​tolerance” poli­cies in your class­room. Pro­vide sec­ond chances when­ever appro­pri­ate. Set high, rea­son­able expec­ta­tions, but show under­stand­ing and accep­tance when stu­dents inevitably don’t meet them. Focus on pos­i­tive char­ac­ter qual­i­ties in each child rather than on shortfalls.
• Cel­e­brate imper­fec­tion. Let stu­dents know that not only are mis­takes are nor­mal, they are expected and even essen­tial to the learn­ing process. When a stu­dent makes a mis­take, cel­e­brate the effort, or point out any good think­ing that went into it. Tell sto­ries about learn­ing that hap­pened because of a mis­take, and point out that school is a place for learn­ing, not for per­form­ing. Give each stu­dent a “mis­take pass” to allow them to make an error any time with­out penalty. Or maybe give them two. Give stu­dents full credit for a mis­take if they can tell what they learned from it.
• Allow play time. Gifted chil­dren are still chil­dren, and let­ting stu­dents play with­out a spe­cific goal allows them to explore thoughts and ideas with­out the pres­sure to per­form. As any Kinder­garten teacher will tell you, a great deal of learn­ing takes place dur­ing unstruc­tured play, and it is just as true for older stu­dents. The form of the play will look dif­fer­ent: gifted stu­dents in upper ele­men­tary and beyond will play with ideas, words, and images, and num­bers. Let it be what it is; don’t try to force it into an aca­d­e­mic box.
• Show your own flaws. We’re not talk­ing about air­ing dirty laun­dry, here. Just let stu­dents see that you aren’t per­fect your­self, and give your­self the same sec­ond chances that you give stu­dents. Make mis­takes in class (delib­er­ately if nec­es­sary) and allow stu­dents to cor­rect you with­out penalty.

What else do you do to help your per­fec­tion­ists loosen up a little?